I've been wanting a [asdfghjkl;] lately.

My hideaway at work.

It's like the guest speaker we had in Anatomy on Monday has been reading my mind:

"Being a doctor is a wonderful thing. Being a nurse is a wonderful thing. But only if you love what you do. There's not enough money in the world to make you love what you do. If you've already started and it's not something you want, that doesn't mean you're a failure. It just means you figured it out."

I really enjoy the view of city lights. It makes me feel like "me", because I'm outgoing and bright. 

It's not easy for me to open up to someone. To vent, and just let them know what's on my mind. As outgoing as I may be, I'm more of a listener than a speaker when it comes to things like this.

Mommy: "Idk how you do it."

Me: "Me either."

Do you even want to be a nurse?

No, obviously not. I grew up wanting to be a third grade teacher, everyone knows that. But you have to go where the money is in order to have a stable future, and that's nursing.

Earlier today, my mom was telling me that she spent her first few years of college studying to become an English teacher. She didn't pursue nursing until her dad and sister "made her" do so. But you know what? My mom made it a long way as a nurse, and she's happy.

Happiness and success. I want that.

It's okay if we're nothing. Because nothing lasts forever.

I'm glad that I never advertised this blog. Especially now that this is my main blogging page.

If the dreams you have don't scare you a little bit, then they're not big enough.

I'm not the type of person someone falls in love with.

Attracted to the things I can't define.

If you had to choose:

1. Being dependent and having everything handed to you.
2. Being independent and work for what you want.

I'm glad I grew up as the kind of girl who can stand up on her own two feet.

If there's one person who has been there for me throughout everything I've been going through the past few months, it's Gerico. He doesn't know that, but he has been. Everyday. And I'm more than thankful.

You're so self disciplined. Any guy would be lucky to have you. 

We were both busy, and we had opposite schedules. That's what I've come to conclude, anyway.

Most importantly, she grew tired of the mindless chatter and stale promises. Growing to be accustomed to the idea of solitude, she constantly craved for it -- Like a slow sinful addiction ready to devour her at any given opportunity. And with time, she realized that she could walk steadily without any form of dependence. That was what scared her the most. It was all or nothing.

It's scary, yet fascinating how one simple action, one simple move, one simple inadequate decision, can change the course of someone's thoughts. Maybe even alter a major event in their future.

My biggest fear in life is the outcome of my future, and I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I feel like I won't make it, and I don't have a a fall back plan if that's the case. I only pursued nursing because that's what's expected of me. But it's too challenging for me. I've never been the brightest person, and this major is like a battle field. People say that "You'll be fine, you're a smart girl" "Keep your head up" "You got this" but I don't.  I feel like I'm failing. I feel defeated. I feel lost. And it's killing me. I've held myself up for so long, and I feel like I can't do it anymore.

Nobody gets it.

Do I turn the page or close the book?

People only know how to be encouraging. Of course, that's not a bad thing. But despite how much the truth hurts, I need someone to be straight up with me.

"You'll be fine."
"You can do it."

"You're a smart girl, you'll be fine."

"Keep your head up."
"Stay positive."
"You may not end up where you want to be, but it's where you need to be."

I'm tired of these cliche sayings. Tell me something like it's a slap in a face.