Right now I want a word that describes the feeling you get -- a cold sick feeling, deep down inside -- when you know something is happening that will change you, and you don't want it to, but you can't stop it. And you know, for the first time, for the very first time, that there will now be a before and an after, a was and a will be. And that you will never again quite be the same person you once were. 

We go days without having a meaningful conversation, and I used to miss you so much when that happened. But it never seemed like you missed me, and I guess because of it I stopped missing you.